Life had almost carried on back to its normal pace. Everyone had reconcilied in their own way. I'm finding a routine to manage my studies properly and spend time with my family.
Wherever sorrow had previously taken pace, peace and stability was now taking its course.
I abhor the phrase "taking its course". I don't think anything or anyone truly ends. I refuse to let go of the people who have changed my life forever. Relationships never take their course. God doesn't use people for it's own amusement. Hmm... says God. Let me take a nice girl and pair her up with someone who will give her hope and then suddenly take it away from her. But after all, I'm an atheist, and until recently I told everyone I was agnostic. Since God doesn't exist, my truth is my own reality, and God is within me. God says right now, that once people leave your life, your job to to recreate them in your head and carry on with a bigger path (which is something I wrote about in my past entry.)
I miss my best friend certain days but I know she's no longer reigning that title. She's on a cloud, in the distance, in a different dimension. She was always so confident and sure about herself and the world around her. Even when she felt lost, she never gave permission to anyone to take away her self worth.
I guess now that the person in my last entry (#2) has finally left, I've been spending this whole week finding a balance between living new adventures and fixing the problems I had previously created. Most of the time is spent studying and reading historical passages about Arabic culture (which are repetitive as hell) and studying the latest math course and statistics. There never seems to be enough time in one day to go through everything. Of course, within those courses, people are a lot more outgoing and I'm making new friends who I make some time to hang out with every day. All of them are from different backgrounds and have heavier responsibilities than I usually do. One of them is a young mom who is my age and is surviving on her own. She looks a lot happier than I do most days!
Due to my mercurial nature, I'm starting to get into fighting games, from console games to actual, physical shit. There's this club in my school where you fight outdoors and make your own shield and armor. They invited me to see their coronation. Although one side of me wants to desperately have time to have fun and not think about the crazy course load within the coming years, I know I can't fully commit to any of the fighting clubs for a long time. It's a struggle to commit to any work outside school, forget leisure.
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